As I mentioned, I started working at fourteen. I was required to give most of what I earned to my dad, and I did. I barely had anything of my own. If I needed it, I would have to “earn” it again, or he used it for bills, as it was now my responsibility to help financially. This happened with any job I had. I got paid every two weeks, from one job, and I made at least $1000, and he would take most of it. It was so normal for me to hand over my money, that I didn’t think anything of it. He would make me feel bad if I had anything over more than what he thought I needed… I was able to keep maybe one hundred dollars out of my paycheck. If I worked a job that paid tips, he would ask how much I made when I got home, and I would hand it right over… I was “paying my way”…
When I was about six years old, I was attacked by a family members dog. I still have scars, and I would be bullied because of that as well. Anyway, after everything was said and done, I received an insurance settlement for Twenty Thousand dollars, and it was placed in a CD account. I wouldn’t be able to access it until I was Twenty-one. We lived in a trailer, my dad owned it, I think. We lived there all through my middle school and high school years before we would move. (My kid sister would come along when I was seventeen and we moved shortly after). Anyway, I think I was around seventeen years old when we were going through a “rough patch” and my father was “having difficulty” paying bills. He brought it to my attention that I had this money, which I’ve always known about. He was making it seem like he was in a desperate situation, and honestly, my dad ALWAYS had money. He was always buying new guns, cars, things that he wanted… I really dont know if we were in as much debt as he said he was, but he convinced me to allow him to withdraw and close out my CD. Twenty thousand dollars, was gone. Anything else that he needed, he would still take from me.
I remember feeling like I was being so helpful and compassionate and that I was a big part in helping my family get through this hard time. But at the same time, I also saw a piece of my future disappear. I had nothing to look forward to, no savings, no escape plan eventually… It was a realization years later that he did that because he could. he didn’t need my permission, he could have closed it out anytime, and he could have straight up told me it wasn’t mine… I remember seeing bank bags filled with cash in his gun safe but none of it was mine according to him. My dad did that, played poor, but have stashes of “emergency” money. I was bitter about that a few years after I left, but it’s not like he’d ever pay it back… and that’s fine, honestly. God got us!
I am spiritually taking back what the enemy stole. I am so blessed. I will NEVER be able to get my childhood back, and sometimes I wish I could go back and tell myself I’ll make it through, but the past is gone. The only thing I can do now is trust God, focus on the here and now, and look forward to a future with my family. I refuse to let my past control me. It has helped make me who I am today, But I want to be a shining light to others going through the same darkness… I’ve been in that dark place, and it’s not fun. I’ll post about that soon…